This morning I turned on the television to watch a show I saved on DVR. I enjoy watching TV while I am sipping my coffee.
I chose to click on The Voice from last night. In a previous post I explained I find inspiration in every form of media such as television, movies or books.
I laughed with the crazy monologues between Adam Levine and Blake Shelton. They crack me up. Any way, last night there was a beautiful woman contestant who was inspired to build a career in singing when she found she was pregnant. She devoted the next fifteen years raising her son and wrote music for famous artists so she could provide for her family and create a good life. She gave up her dream of having her own career. I believe she is now in her mid thirties. Her son encouraged her to try out for the voice.
I watched this segment while tears were flowing down my face. I related to her. I realized I gave up many years myself caring for my boys who depended on me to find their way in life and advocate resourcefully for Jason to get the best care.
Because I was raised culturally in a generation guided by my parents’ values, my ambition at the age of 21 was to get married, work as a secretary and have children. God guided me in another direction and I dedicated my life caring and advocating for my physically challenged son.
This is why I find myself crying, listening to her story. I am now 66 years old and I am just finding my ambition as a woman. I am creative and ambitious and have a drive to expand my creativity. My tears are for the lost years. I don’t know how many years I have left to build a life for myself for my personal legacy as well as a mother of a special needs child.
Note: I do not regret the years I dedicated caring for my son. I regret not blocking out time for myself as a woman with desires and needs.