LETTING GO IS SO VERY HARD

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In 1987 when we were notified there was a bed available for Jason, I was filled with mixed emotions. I was his mother, nurse, social worker, therapist and advocate for eight years. Was I ready to give all this up? Was I capable and strong enough to let go? No I was not.

At that time, I felt guilty and I hated myself for giving up on him. I thought this was what I was doing. I was giving up my son because I no longer wanted or could continue caring for his needs. He had spastic quadriplegic cerebral palsy and his doctor very wisely felt he needed to be placed in a facility where he could receive more advanced medical care. He told me I was a great mother but it was time to let go.

HOW DOES ONE LET GO OF THEIR CHILD?

I did. I survived. I ignored the looks of shame and disgust I imagined I was seeing. Of course none of my family or close friends ever said anything to me; I imagined it because of the tremendous guilt I felt.

That was twenty eight years ago. Now that I am a wiser and stronger woman, I now know it was the best decision I ever made for Jason and for our family. Jason lived twenty years in a facility who loved him as much as we did. I truly believe he lived longer than his life expectancy would suggest.

I made a very unselfish decision back in 1987. I wonder if I chose another path, what would my life be like now????

5 thoughts on “LETTING GO IS SO VERY HARD

  1. When Hannah first entered a facility, it was the best thing for her and started out to be a good thing. Watching her thrive in “her world” was more than words could say. Until….When I had to move Hannah further away to another facility, it was a no-brainer; however, the adversities it caused. She loves being in a world that focuses on her and believes in life, but many think I just pushed her out of everone’s life. Knowing that my little angel is getting what she needs and loves the attention she gets and is improving in many ways is a confirmation that it was time to let go. I miss my little girl as I don’t see her as often, and allowing others to take care of her is difficult, but knowing that Hannah is getting the best of the best is a greater piece of mind.~~

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  2. Raelene you are an amazing mother! I definitely know how hard it was to let Hannah go. I read your anguished words when life got really bad for you but you and Hannah survived. She will thrive in her knew home and you will heal. Take my word for it, from someone who knows; I am so proud and happy for you and Hannah.

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