Relationships


“Say Something” Alex and Sierra, X-Factor

Several months ago I wrote a few blog postings about emotional and verbal abuse. At that time I was going through a very difficult emotional time in my life. I raised a son with cerebral palsy for eight years at home and twenty years where he lived in a home for disabled children. I was his only advocate for twenty-eight years until his death seven years ago. I never displayed my emotions through all those years.

At the same time I was experiencing emotional and verbal abuse from my husband but didn’t know I was or what it was. It all reached the boiling point when I started blogging about my sorrows. I was in emotional pain and was feeling symptoms related to post traumatic stress. I developed an anxiety disorder as well.

My husband and I found a therapist who started treating us. She helped my husband understand what he was doing to me. We now undersand it was not entirely his fault. He grew up in a dysfunctional household and learned his behavior from his parents who probably learned theirs from their parents and so on and so on. This is how it begins and it is passed down through generations.

We started seeing separate therapist, one to help me open up my emotions about my son. She also helped me to communicate better with my husband. My husband saw his own therapist and she taught him how to communicate as well. We both learned he is very insecure and some of his behaviors were from insecurity.

Two weeks ago we met together with my therapist because we truly believe we are beginning to heal from our life challenges, our lack of communication and how to love and respect each other. I played the song “Say Something” (see track above). This was a turning point in our recovery. The words in this song are exactly how I felt before we began therapy. I wanted him to hear the words, feel the meaning of them and never forget the long road we were on to reach a stage of starting to heal and love each other again.

My therapist was very proud of the way I handled the session and told me she felt it really will impact our relationship. He actually listened to those words and understood the meaning.

The emotional and verbal abuse in our relationship were the symptoms of a life time of dysfunction, lack of communication on both sides and the stress of loving and caring for a severely disabled child.

In my case, after 42 years of marriage, I was almost ready to walk out on a life-time of commitment, blaming him for everything. Therapy taught us our main and only problem is a lack of communication. I did not communicate my needs to be respected and he did not communicate to me his dysfunctional childhood and his insecurities.

It will take work and commitment to continue to respect each other and live the rest of what life has left for us in peace and together as husband and wife.

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